My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
