Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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