Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
