we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
