I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
