somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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