why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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