When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
