do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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