so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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