standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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