Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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