maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
