i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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