Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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