Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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