I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
