i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize