How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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