this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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