I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
