Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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