i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
