Pappa wants mamma naked
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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