so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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