I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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