This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
