wanna go halves on a baby?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
