so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
