"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
