they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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