the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
