just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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