just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Someone came in the potted fern
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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