and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
