Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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