do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
