respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
