soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
