it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
