you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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