Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
