Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize