I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
