i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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