1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is wine microwaveable?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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