Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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