First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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