I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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