the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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