You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
