and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
