I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize