Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
