the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize