I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
