So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she told me i tasted like america
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
