its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
