Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
