my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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