Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize