You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
