just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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