About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
