Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
