she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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