i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize