This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
