i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
