I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
