girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
