my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
COCAINE IS GR8
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
