saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
