I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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