I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
