Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
