i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
