we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
