Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just puked most of my soul out..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
