I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
