Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
