What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
