his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
