YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
