Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
