I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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