I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
