Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
