whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize