I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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