Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
