Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
