Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
