True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
