just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
